you are what you write

ok, that's a bit much, in fact, that's a bit paralyzing.

so, i guess i've got a confession to make: lately i haven't been practicing what i preach! i've been avoiding my own work as a writer, i've been talking myself out of my own ideas, and i've noticed some bad behavior creeping up as a result.

here are my lame excuses:

1) it's been a busy month

2) there has been so much going on that i don't even know where to begin

3) i need to do that before i can do this

4) does anybody really care

5) i'm so behind, i'll never catch up

maybe it's the erratic weather or the goats in my backyard (yes, there are, and yes, they can be distracting) maybe it's my inner lazy writer taking over...either way, i'm determined to turn the beat around before my bad habits get the better of me.

writing time has its own seasonal characteristics for me. i know it's writing time when i hear a word used in a special way or its sound drops into the middle of a moment and my physical reaction is something like a heartache. i know it's writing time when i am witness to something small and beautiful and poetic and all i want to do, at the risk of causing a scene, is stop doing whatever i am doing and write about it. i know it's writing time when the light falls a little closer toward the end of another year and it looks just like all the bigness and change around me and i realize in its passing how little i have ever gotten over at all.

my bad writing behavior consists of a few key elements:

1) talking too much. when i am not writing, i tend to talk a lot more. some call this, "just giving it away..."

2) general frustration. my irritability level skyrockets when i am not writing, i attribute this as one of the adverse effects of hoarding thoughts, words, ideas, etc.

3) losing good material to not actively writing and therefore feeling as though i have nothing of interest or satisfaction to write about.

i hereby declare, that by putting this into words, down onto the page, i will be held accountable to being a better and more consistent practitioner. be on the lookout, i am back on that horse! feel free to come along for the ride...